I have a question concerning marriage.I am a sister who was born a
Muslim but was not raised one.It wasnt until about last year that I
embraced Islam.Now,there is a brother who has expressed interest in
marrying me but the issue of me not having a wali has arisen(I have
had no kind of contact with my father in over 5 years)I refuse to go
into marriage talks with a brother or go through with anything without
a wali.The brother has also said that it would be best if we met a few
times before anything was finalised but I made it clear to him that I
will not be meeting without an appropriate chaperone. I know that I
could get an imam to act as my wali but as far as the chaperone goes,
I am not too sure who I can have as one. Unfortunately, the area I
live in right now, has almost no Muslims and most of the people I do
speak to are not Muslim. In Sha Allah I will be in a better position
Islamically in a few months but I am still not sure who could act as a
chaperone. I told the brother that I would rather the chaperone be a
Muslim but he told me that that was not the case and that I could ask
anyone that I trusted even if they werent Muslim. I was wondering if
it is permissable to have a non Muslim as a chaperone...I do not feel
comfortable with the idea but he insists it is okay. I know I have
made quite a few missteps in this entire process and achnowledge my
errors and I ask Allah to forgive me for them.
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Praise be to Allah.
We congratulate you for what Allah has bestowed upon you of guidance
and enabling you to adhere to the rulings, teachings morals and
manners of Islam. We ask Allah, may He be glorified, to help you to
always adhere to the commands of Allah, may He be glorified, and to
divert from you the evil of the devils among mankind and the jinn.
With regard to marriage to this person or anyone else, it is not
permissible without a guardian (wali), because having a guardian is
one of the conditions of the marriage contract being valid, as has
been explained previously in fatwa no. 99696.
The fact that you have been cut off from your father for a while is
not an excuse for marrying without a guardian. This is in addition to
the fact that your forsaking your father for this length of time is
something that is haraam; in fact it is a major sin because of what it
involves of disobedience towards him and severing of family ties. We
have previously explained that severing ties with one's father and not
upholding ties with him is haraam, no matter what the father may have
done of bad treatment or falling short. So how about if the reason for
that has to do with the child? Please see fatwa no. 87802.
Our advice to you is to hasten to get back in touch with your father,
treat him kindly, and apologise for your shortcomings and bad
behaviour. Then you can tell him about this suitor, and if he wishes
he may do the marriage contract himself, so long as he is still a
Muslim, or if he wishes he can appoint a proxy to do the marriage
contract. As for bypassing your father and appointing someone else as
your guardian, whether he is the imam of the mosque or someone else,
this is not permissible. In fact some of the scholars were of the view
that if a woman's marriage contract is done by a more distant
guardian, such as her brother, when the closer guardian, such as her
father, is still alive, the marriage contract is not valid. This has
been explained previously in fatwa no. 135233
So it is more likely that the marriage contract done by a non-mahram
when the guardian is still alive is not valid.
With regard to what this young man is asking for of seeing you and
meeting you before marriage, in principle this is something that is
prescribed. This has been explained previously in fatwa no. 2572
But for you to go and let him see you on your own, this is not
permissible, especially if that results in being alone together,
because being alone with a woman is prohibited, as we have previously
explained in fatwa no. 94019
Similarly, it is not permissible for you to go and meet him
accompanied by a non-Muslim, because your interacting with a
non-mahram non-Muslim is also not permissible, as it opens the door to
a great deal of temptation and corruption.
Our advice to you in this situation is to hasten, first of all, to get
in touch with your father and tell him about this matter, and wait for
his opinion. If he agrees with you meeting this young man, then that
will be by your father's arrangement and in his presence, or in his
company.
If that is not possible, then he may appoint one of your mahrams to
take charge of the matter and be your chaperone.
If that is not possible either, it is permissible for you to meet him
in the company of some trustworthy Muslims, and we suggest that it
should be the imam of the mosque, or one of those in charge of the
Islamic centre in your neighbourhood, and the contact or meetings
between you and this young man after that should be arranged through
this imam or the people in charge of the Islamic centre, because
direct contact with him is a means that may lead to evil or mischief.
If the matter works out and the time comes for the marriage contract,
then you should proceed along the lines explained above: either your
father should come and do the marriage contract himself, or your
father should appoint someone else to do the marriage contract for you
in his stead, whether that proxy is one of your relatives or someone
else.
Finally, we should draw your attention to an important matter, which
is that it is stipulated that this young man who has proposed marriage
to you should be a Muslim and chaste, because it is not permissible
for a Muslim woman to marry anyone but a chaste Muslim man, as we have
explained previously in fatwas no. 85335and 118098
More importantly, it is not permissible for her to marry a non-Muslim;
this is haraam and is an invalid marriage, according to scholarly
consensus.
And Allah knows best.
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